I just realized that some people might read these posts and think, "This guy's a total asshole." And while I won't begrudge you that, I will say, suck my balls. That's right, I don't even like getting my balls sucked, they are kinda tender, somewhat delicate objects to me. What really feels good is the tip of your tongue right on the underside of the tip of my weenie. Ha ha. Weenie. That is a very underused word.
It is 12:45 in Houston Texas on Thursday morning and I am getting somewhat drunk even though I need to be up at 9:15. Life is somewhat better for me, if any of you read my post a week or two ago, I was wishing the bubonic plague upon all humanity, even the starving etheopians, but I am pleased to report that I would now merely be amused if a meteor struck our planet as opposed to activley disiring it. Amused for like the ten milliseconds I had to contemplate the impact.

What a chuckle. Guess what two nerds have birthdays in August? Me and D&D. We both turned thirty this August. I just have this to say about D&D, I never really got how to play it correctly until like five years ago, and yet my mind was prematurely advanced by many degrees due to the endless reading as a kid to comprehend those charts and deep, compelling prose. On the other side of the coin, I probably could have been sixteen, with a Firebird in the driveway, getting laid every night at the movies if I had avoided that crap.
But everything is crap in the long run, even you and I, and at least I console myself saying that D&D was intellectual crap for my formative years. But even that dosen't explain away why I keep fantasizing about teenage pussy in the bathroom at work. I'm going to request our company stop suscribling to Teen People. When I'm getting a hard-on for one of those girls who used to be a stumbling toddler on Full House, it's time to make some lifestyle changes. Plus, I'm gonna rip up my female elf paladins character sheet for good measure.

Even girls who are eighteen [legal!], well, that's far too much of a stretch now. And I just have to say, I passed up so much good pussy in my teenage years cause my sisters had too many f-in Judy Bloom books around the house, and I was fooled into thinking, "No, I shouldn't. While {girl X} could be lying there, naked on my bed, beconing me back into the house (with her beautiful sixteen year old breasts), the house I grew up in, while I hunch puking, puking into the bushes, my parents are out of town, and her and I are drunk as coons . . . I can't possibliy ravish her to the fullest potential of my innermost desires . . . I'll wait, and we'll have a meaningful relationship first, that's proper."
That's what I used to think. That I had all the time in the world. That our relationship would flourish and blossom into a delightful fragrant bouquet of give and take, sixty-nine till death or something.
Let me tell you this gentlemen, and I know you already know this- but if there are any young men, or women out there reading this ---> get it while it's hot. Just wear a condom and have a blast!. Shit, once my kid hits puberty, I'm gonna just start giving him rubbers with his lunch money. Fuck straight A's. Just get through college without conceiving another human life or catching AIDS.
Thank God we have Bush and his party only funding abstinance. Now when people don't get laid, they go off like Jeffrey Dalmer and shit. Instead of quote, unquote, 'abstinance' or 'safe sex', or 'terrible sex', we need to be teaching about really-good orgasmic safe-sex, which is a total reality if the proper measures are taken. It's just that the bible thumping/koran reciting lunatics run the show right now.

p.s. I'm taking my kid to see the Yu-gi-0 movie this weekend. Huzzah. I told him, "Let's go see the Alien vs. Predator!", and I learn, screw the alien, this Yu-gi-O movie is hot with the fourth graders. Expect a movie review on Monday.